Lifestyle
How to Survive a Recession: Notes from the Broken Dog Days of Summer
Sep 4th
This year was particularly trying for my family and I’m sure a good many families of Wise Bread readers. This summer was particularly relentless for this homeowner. I don’t even think we should use that term. I own a mortgage and it really owns me, more or less. But when the pipes cracked and the septic tank simmered at the brim under a rotted lid threatening the peace and tranquility of homeownership this summer, I started reassessing just how lack of employment, the high cost of student loans, living, offspring, the car that decided it needed a thousand dollars dumped into it, and homeowning were going to factor into my attempts at frugality.
I felt like a fraud writing for Wise Bread. Yeah. Who am I to dispense any advice when I can’t even use my own toilet? So I took a little break in an effort to not feel like a fraud and reassess if there was some turn I could have made in the last year to better the situation. The process of sitting in the comfy chair in the living room staring into the abyss of the cool sage green wall with a legal pad and pen actually did help.
There were a few things I could have planned for better and a few things I could have anticipated, but in the end I don’t think my choices yielded more than a couple of hundred dollars extra with better planning. But I didn’t get poor me, whiny about it. My mortgage is still getting paid. My kids still have food to eat, and we are doing a hell of a lot better than many neighbors. I am grateful.
A big difference in this summer is there was no vacation. OK — technically we went away for a three-day weekend, but that was it. This gave me time to really see my community for what it is. These are predictions and solutions for surviving the national recession and individual malaise that comes with it.
Get over that American uber alles mentality
Nationalism is not productive and there's nothing joyful about watching Rome burn when you're a Roman. By this I mean we'll fare much better if we put more energy into the health and well-being of our local communities — with an eye and heart to how the global community is doing — than if we were continue perpetuating the mantra that America must be No. 1. I think we get bogged down in thinking we should all be millionaires by now. We get that look in our eye best expressed by Prince's song "Pop Life": "they put your million dollar check in someone else's box…"
We aren’t as badly off as we think we are
Is a fifth of our nation underwater? Was our capital destroyed by an earthquake? My kids and I just viewed the 1992 film Baraka the other day and as the segment of dire poverty begins midway through the film, it was good to remember what real poverty looks like. We are not living on the streets and we aren’t picking through a landfill for food scraps. I’m not working as a prostitute and they aren’t begging in the streets. We have health insurance from my husband/their father’s job.
Get over the myth of the nuclear family
If we can keep in mind that the whole reason we live nuclear is that suburban developers sold us on the idea to sell houses, we’d be better off. Cultures around the globe know that you need to be tied to your family and society. I need my neighbors and community, and my neighbors and community need me. The smartest thing I’ve done in the last decade was moving three miles from my mothers.
Kids need access to grandparents — biological , adopted, or faux. So many struggling families I know are too far away from their extended families. Women spend nearly as much money on daycare as what they make. Moving back to an extended family and community model of living could change that. Co-op day care and family watching children both have great merits, and it's not a one-way street. My mothers watch the kids every Saturday and then I'm available to them for errands they cannot do.
And it’ s more than childcare. We can share vehicles. (Between the two households, there’s a car with great mileage, a car for snowy days, and a truck for hauling.) We share groceries. We share baking and cooking. (My mom and I tend to bake or cook trays of things and we always give the other a tray of something we’ve made.)
I consider my friends in this family equation too. The only way we had any vacation this summer is when one friend got a hold of free passes to the aquarium, and another let us stay in her house while she was gone, and still another bought us breakfast and shuttled us to and from the aquarium so we didn’t have to pay for parking. We have let people stay with us for short bits and done as much reciprocity as we can think of.
I am over the myth. I need my mommy and my friends. They need me, too.
Sustainable is a good word, not a bad word
It means more than just growing organic crops so you don’t kill the soil. It means research. Everything I do now makes me think of this word. How many extra-curricular activities can my kids reasonably sustain? How much square footage of a house can be heated economically so I don’t run out of cash? How sustainable are my habits and hobbies? Where I live in the mountains, it’s common for neighbors to announce they are going ‘off the mountain’ and take orders for things that anyone needed from the civilization of boxed stores 90 minutes away. It’s always gratifying not to be able to think of anything.
Live only up to your own expectations
What if we all got off our collective butts and did what we said we wanted to do instead of what we think we must? What if we didn't care about that look our parents give us that says "Why didn't you become an accountant or a corporate lawyer?" That would look amazing. I bet it would feel amazing, too. What if we stopped blaming others for our predicaments? What if we stopped waiting for someone else to fix it?
What Does Being Rich Mean to You Anyway?
Sep 2nd
Money Magazine had an interesting article in the September 2010 issue titled "Do You Have What It Takes To Be Wealthy?" The article comprised of 15 questions aimed to tell you if, indeed, you have a good chance to be rich. I aced it (if you consider having a solid chance of being rich a good thing, that is), but what is the definition of being wealthy anyway? Is it just a number we call net worth? Or is it something else all together?
I was given a tour the other day of a $6 million dollar home. Apparently, the owner bought the piece of land for $4 million and spent $10 million building the custom house on the site. The property was gorgeous (duh!), but the owner couldn’t have lived in it for more than three years and he lost $10 million in the process after considering not getting his asking price, agent fees, etc. when it’s all said and done.
When you have that kind of money to lose, are you considered rich? (By the way, for those concerned, the owner moved to an even more expensive neighborhood, so this is not one of those overextended home borrower stories.) Miranda started an interesting discussion asking whether you are rich. She claims that your location and personal situation matters a great deal when it comes to the financial portion of the definition of being rich, but I believe it’s more than that. I’d argue that being wealthy is much more than having, or earning a specific dollar amount.
Not Worrying About Money
This is much more than having a ton of money. Not worrying about money is more about the ratio of your spending and expectations versus your assets. Some people don’t have enough with $12 million, but others can retire comfortably with much, much less. However much money you have, you cannot be wealthy when the worry of money is always on the forefront of your mind.
Having Loving Family and Friends
You might have money, but you aren’t rich if you don’t have anyone to spend it with. Being rich is also having someone to share your joy and sorrows, and it’s having someone to have spend time with too. When you need a shoulder to cry on, can you actually buy one?
Having a Sense of Direction
You can have all the money in the world, but it’s very difficult to enjoy life if you don’t have a sense of purpose. We talk about finding a passion all the time, but to be quite honest with you, most people never listen. Some are simply too afraid to change their depressing jobs, they are too lazy to repair broken relationships, and they are too proud to admit their mistakes so they can start over. First of all, I don’t think these people will be able to maximize their earnings power this way. Even if they could, how does having a bunch of money with a miserable life make them wealthy?
Being rich requires money. There is no doubt about it. But it's much more than that — so much more.
Downsizing With Kids
Sep 1st
Hi. My name is Sonja, and I am crazy.
Now that you know, I can tell you that my husband and I are selling our modest cottage on half an acre to move onto a sailboat with our two small children. Most people aren't downsizing nearly as drastically as we are, but it got me thinking: Quite a number of people are, in one way or another, moving out of larger homes for smaller homes. Quite a lot of these people must have children as well. And as I come up with the solution to the first question people inevitably ask me, “Where will your kids play?” I'd like to pass on the solutions I've been contemplating.
1. Dump the Junk
If your kids are anything like mine, they could do with at least 50% less toys. Make it 75%. Go through the toys, clothes, shoes, and incidentals and have yourself a garage sale. Better yet, see what those toys are going for on eBay. For bigger furniture items, Craigslist will typically get you more cash than a garage sale. Take the cash you get and put it towards a Netflix membership or some small portable play options like video games.
2. Make Friends
This one is a lifeline if you’re going to be living in cramped quarters with in-laws. Join groups, get active in the community or a local church and spread out, socially. Visiting with friends, having dinner at someone else’s home, or having your kids play in someone’s backyard will ease the loss of space and/or land you’ve had to sacrifice. Plus, it’s great to have someone to talk to when things get tough.
3. Use What Your Community Offers
Seriously research parks and recreation and your local library for activities that are offered throughout the year for free or very low cost. It’s a great way to feel connected within your community, and it gives your kids things to do so they don’t talk so much about how hard it is to share a room with their baby brother.
4. Get a Family Pass
Use any cash you may have saved in the downsize to put towards a family pass. Look into children's museums, the zoo, theme parks, local swimming pools — whatever appeals to your kids the most and fits your budget. If you're out of work, ask about scholarships. Many places will give serious discounts. All you have to do is ask.
5. Look for a Community Garden
If you’re missing your yard, look for a community garden to plant some greenery. If there isn’t one, maybe you’re the person who can organize it and get it started. Go in front of the community council and bring your kids while you propose a local garden. Not only will you be able to get involved, but you’ll be teaching them the value of seeing a need in the neighborhood and filling it. Some community gardens donate a portion of their vegetable harvest to local food banks.
6. Volunteer
While I’m on the subject, the quickest way to get out of a funk is to do something nice for someone else. If you find yourself cramped, cranky and cantankerous, take the kids and go to an elderly home. Ask the front desk if there’s anyone who needs a visit, or if they could use any help. Again, this is a great opportunity to teach your kids the value of reaching out. And who knows, you may walk away with another valued friendship.
Downsizing usually happens because life throws us a curve ball. A divorce, sudden death, a job loss, or even having to move in to care for an ailing parent can cause stress on a family. It makes for some very tough choices. Keep the books, leave the stuffed animals. We had to give our precious black lab away (which was much harder on me than the kids).
The best lessons in life aren’t easy. Compassion, empathy and resilience can only be learned through tough times. It’s good to keep that perspective as we watch our kids getting what’s really important. And that doesn’t include your own room complete with a princess-themed bed. Sorry, Josephine.
If you have any ideas that have worked with your recent downsize, I’d love to hear them.
Why Going to the Gym Is a Waste of Money, Time, and Resources
Sep 1st
I noticed this morning that I have gained five pounds. Conventional wisdom says it’s time to shell out to join a gym, or if I want to save money, dust off that jogging stroller.
But what does conventional wisdom know? A recent article in Time magazine points out that our belief that exercise is essential to weight loss is a recent development, and — this shocked me — not well supported by research.
That’s right: For most people, exercise is useless for weight loss.
It sounds like complete crazy talk, yet the article cites solid-sounding research and academic experts saying just that. One recent study looked at overweight women, some of whom were assigned to work out with a trainer for different lengths of time, alongside a control group that did not work out. They didn’t change their eating habits. All the groups on average lost weight, but the women who worked out did not lose significantly more than those who didn’t.
What’s going on?
The study's authors cite "compensation." That is, working out makes you hungry, so you eat more. You also might move around less for the rest of the day after you work out. The article also points out that most people overestimate how much food they can indulge in before they have consumed more calories than they just burned in their workout.
This would explain something that has baffled me since chidlhood: The overweight mail carrier. My dad delivered the mail as a kid, and I never understood how many of his colleagues, even though they were on walking routes, not driving routes, could have such big bellies. The answer, apparently, is that being out on that route all day made them very hungry.
All this leads me to think about the growing emphasis on "being active" in America right now, coming from everyone: from the schools to the scapegoats of childhood obesity, like children's television and McDonald's itself. The hope on McDonald's part seems to be that society will be OK with kids consuming their megacalorie meals as long as they do some jumping jacks first.
Look at the great amount of resources expended for the cause of physical fitness already. While I am not disputing that it’s unhealthy to be sedentary, the experts quoted in this article contend that the kind of free exercise that we have traditionally incorporated into our day is just as healthy as organized sports for kids and treadmills for adults.
The article even quotes the head of Harvard’s Prevention Research Center on Nutritional and Physical Activity wondering if the whole McDonald’s playground idea was a ploy to get kids to eat more.
"I know it sounds kind of like conspiracy theory, but you have to think, if a kid plays five minutes and burns 50 calories, he might then go inside and consume 500 calories or even 1,000," Steven Gortmaker told Time.
Once I started thinking about it, I realized that working out is expensive in many ways. It might be worth it (at least for some people) if it increases your overall sense of well-being or prepares you for an activity you enjoy, like touring cities on foot or climbing a mountain. And of course, many if not most people who work out do it so they will look better and be more attractive than the gym rat on the machine two rows over. But in order to decide if something is worthwhile, you should take an honest look at what it costs.
Gym Fees
The most obvious, and most avoidable, cost of fitness. For those who have joined the extreme home workout trend, those 30 Day Shred
Time
This is a major one for parents of small children like me. If a leisurely walk with my children is as good or almost as good for me as an hour at a gym with them in the daycare, I’m unlikely to choose the latter. And with my husband already away from the kids for 10 hours or more on a weekday, does it make sense for him to use one of the remaining hours at the gym?
Increased Calories Consumed
People who work out for weight loss set out to burn calories they won’t be replacing. But it doesn’t usually work out that way, simply because our bodies are programmed to prevent that from happening. And what about people who work out to build muscle mass and intentionally increase their caloric intake to help build it?
I recently saw an exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry showing everything various Chicagoans ate in a day. One was an iron-pumping construction worker who consumed something like 12,000 calories, much of it protein. He obviously felt that the cost of purchasing all that extra food was worthwhile, but in a world where we are increasingly conscious of the environmental toll of food production, is it really sustainable for some people to consume six times as many calories as are needed for healthy survival?
Injuries
With all the talk about how healthy it is to stress your cardiovascular system, but there is little talk about the increased risk of injury that occurs when one switches from a brisk walk to lifting weights, running, or participating in sports.
As for those five extra pounds I’d like to shed, I’m now planning to cut back on the ice cream and walk my next errand rather than drive it, rather than set aside time for a daily workout. I still plan to join a local gym once my baby is a little older, but mainly because it offers a fitness activity that I truly enjoy: indoor rock climbing. After reading that article, I am a lot less likely to force myself through any fitness routine that I loathe in the perhaps unrealistic expectation of great weight loss and health benefits.
For those who work out in an organized fashion, do you feel that the benefits exceed the costs?
This post contains affiliate links to Amazon.com, which will surely increase my sense of well-being if you use them to shop.
How to Win the Lottery Without Paying a Penny for the Ticket
Aug 31st
What would you do if you won the Lottery?
That’s a great question. One that we’ve ALL fantasized about at least once and probably have let our imaginations go wild in at least one conversation with friends or family. I’m not talking about scratch and win lotto tickets here. I’m talking about the big kahuna.
I’m talking about the SUPER MEGA GIGANTIC POWER BALL EXTRAVAGANZA!
You’re probably in the stark minority if you haven’t at least played that game once. After all, it’s completely justified! You could, no, you should be that 1-in-500,000,000 because you've worked hard your whole life and nobody deserves it like you do — so what's another dollar, or two, or five?
Let’s get back to that dream for a second…
The Lottery Dream Fantasy
When we have our lottery fantasies, the conversation often revolves around what we would buy. It might look something like this:
- My custom dream house
- A Ferrari and a pimped out Escalade
- That sailboat that I’ve always wanted
- A butler (is Mr. Belvedere looking for work?)
And if we fear we’re starting to look a little self-centered in our discussion, we might throw in a few things like…
- A college education for all of my grandchildren
- A new house for my parents
- I’d give a big chunk of it to charity
The Financial Freedom Dream
In a lot of cases, the dream simply boils down to:
- I’d do nothing
- I’d pay off my debts
- I’d live off the interest
- And I would never have to work for anyone else again
On the surface, that sounds great, right? Then why do so many retirees who could comfortably live off their pension or other retirement savings choose to keep on working? They’ve earned their Lottery ticket, damn it!! Be lazy and go enjoy the precious little time you have left!!
They keep working because they like what they do, or they like what it does for them. They might get paid, they might not — but they are still active and productive members of society. They are not sitting in their gated mansion in a dark room counting their dollars.
The Lottery Trick
The reason many of us get suckered into the Lottery fantasy and buying those tickets is because we've bought into the dream. But can all that money and the resulting "stuff" that you buy really bring you the happiness that you're hoping for? Probably not. Countless studies have show that those who are rich are not any happier then those with lesser means, so we should know by now that the "stuff" will not buy us happiness.
And we should also know by now that those who can afford not to work for others and end up doing nothing with themselves usually end up being miserable as well.
But financial freedom and the choice to actively do what we want with our lives? Sign me up for that.
Here’s the thing. You don’t need a lottery ticket to buy you that. You need to adapt to a lifestyle that will permit that. A lifestyle that results in your making more money than you are spending (and hopefully putting a little bit away for later in life when you aren’t physically or mentally able to continue working). And the less you spend on lottery tickets and buying into that false hope, the more you can save and focus on buying your freedom.
5 things you can do today to start buying your ticket
Admittedly, these are as simple as they can be, by design. Realistic goals that we all can accomplish with a little work.
- Make more than you spend.
- Pay off your debts.
- Spend your time doing what you enjoy doing and get paid for it if you need it.
- Be kind and helpful to others.
- Remember this: You only live once. So live that way.
Accomplish all five and it might just make those Lottery tickets a little less appealing.
4 Ways Reading the Newspaper Will Make You Rich and Famous
Aug 28th
Last year, everyone proclaimed that print newspapers were dying. It turns out that fewer newspapers have gone under than some had predicted, but I don’t think anyone is announcing that newspapers are thriving.
I’d like to see print newspapers make a comeback. I think that local and national newspapers play a crucial role in our society. But, more importantly for Wise Bread readers, there are a lot of ways reading a print newspaper will benefit you.
Save Time
I don’t know about you, but I really dislike reading newspaper articles online. They are spread over several pages, each page taking an increasing amount of time to load. And each online page is covered with obnoxious ads. These two factors make it exceptionally difficult to skim articles and get a good idea of what’s going on in the news in a short period of time. Sure, you can skim over some headlines on newspapers sites, but to get any depth to a story you have to click through and open it. In print, you can quickly glance over headlines, image captions, and read the lead-in to a story to get an idea of what it’s about. I spend probably 20 minutes each morning reading my local paper, but if I read the equivalent number of stories online it would take me five times as long.
Save Money
My newspaper now lists something like "Save $250 in Coupons" at the top of the Sunday section. Coupon clipping saves me a few dollars each week, but I also save money by finding travel deals, theater deals, and cheap or free events. The Sunday circular ads are also a great way to comparison shop. I was recently shopping for a new stove and could look through the ads each week to see what was on sale at the stores in my area. (Have you ever tried to look at an ad circular online? You may still be waiting for it to load.) Most newspapers also have calendars in their weekly sections listing the special and free events taking place that week. For example, the Homes section makes it incredibly easy to check out any home repair workshops And in the Taste section, I frequently find beer and wine tastings.
Provoke Conversation
Unless you spend two hours a day reading news online, you’re not going to be able to know the majority of happenings in your community. When you read a print paper and know what’s going on, you are better prepared to make conversation with a variety of people, whether it’s the owner of a company you’re trying to get a job with or a person at a bar who might be your future spouse. This intelligent conversation leads to opportunities that can make you rich and famous.
Generate Money-Making Ideas
By following the news, you gain a glimpse into societal trends. Identifying these trends and then solving the problem that arises from the trend allows you to make money and help people. You don't have to come up with the "one brilliant idea." Instead, you just have to be able to fill a need or desire that some people have.
I know there are a lot of people who believe that paying attention to the news is a waste of time. However, it seems that most of these people are already rich and famous. Once you’re rich and famous, you can hire someone to read the paper and tell you what’s most important and relevant to your life. Until then, subscribe to your local print newspaper. Besides the greater good of having independent journalism, you’ll save money and time, and grow your network and your business.
House Hunting for Good Feng Shui
Aug 27th
Look for a house with a square or rectangular shape.
Looking for just the right new home is an overwhelming task! There are so many considerations, so many things to think about that it’s easy to get distracted and not notice features of the home and its location that could be problematic. And, if you’re not very sensitive to energy, you could inadvertently buy a home that is a feng shui nightmare–a place where it would be very difficult to feel comfortable and thrive.
Following are some suggestions for insuring that your house has good feng shui.
- Look for a house with a square or rectangular floor plan. Houses with irregular plans may be dramatic and interesting to visit, but ultimately have serious energy challenges and may not be optimal places to live. Those with square or rectangular plans are easier to arrange, have better energy and fewer major energy problems.
- Look for a house that is set squarely on its lot so the front of the house is parallel to the road. Houses set at an angle to the road look charming, but a dissonance is created when the main axis of the house runs at an angle to the street.
- Avoid houses located at the end of a street. The road ends in front of the house, but the energy flowing down the road keeps coming and slams into the house with great force. The intensity of the energy can be harmful to the occupants.
- Avoid houses with the main door located on the side of the structure. The front door is the main mouth of life nurturing chi (energy). It is best if the mouth is easy for energy to find. A house with a door on the side is like a face without a mouth.
- If you are looking for a garage built into the house, a house with garage doors facing the side or rear of the house are preferable to garage doors facing the street. When garage doors are the main feature of the front of the house, occupants of the house find themselves on the go all the time.
- Avoid houses where a central stairway runs directly to the front door. Energy coming down the stairs rushes right out the front door, depleting the home of life affirming energy.
- Look for a house that is on level ground or slopes from the back of the lot down toward the front of the lot. Avoid houses where the lot falls off behind the house creating an energy sink and lack of support in the areas associated with wealth and prosperity, fame and reputation and love and marriage.
- Avoid houses that have heavy beams overhead. Unless the ceiling is extremely high, beams create a heavy negative energy, an uncomfortable weight overhead.
- Avoid houses with bedrooms that have slanted ceilings or walls built on an angle. Slanted ceilings, like beams, have a weight that makes restful sleeping difficult. Walls built at an angle tend to spin the energy of the space setting up the potential for the occupants to experience accidents. People sleep best in square or rectangular rooms that have a human scale, typically 8 feet high with flat ceilings.
- Avoid houses that are mostly glass. It is difficult to place furniture in those houses so that people feel comfortable. People are most comfortable and empowered when they can sit or sleep in spaces where they have a solid wall behind them and a full view of the main door of the room.
If you live in a house that has one of the problem features listed above or if you’ve found the house of your dreams and it has some of the above issues, know that in many cases there are actions that can be taken to mitigate the problems. Check out some feng shui books available in bookstores or hire a feng shui consultant to assist you.
My passion is helping people discover the profound impact that environment has on performance. I want people to know they can change their lives by changing the spaces in which they live and work. Check out my blog or my book, Rock Scissors Paper: Understanding How Environment Affects Your Performance on a Daily Basis.
5 Ways to Spend Time with Your Kids When You Have No Time
Aug 23rd
It was Dr. Anthony P. Witham who once said “children spell love…T-I-M-E.” He was definitely onto something. Unfortunately, if you are like most parents, time is a precious commodity that often eludes us. Whether we have a new job, a new baby, or we just need to make the coffee or strip the beds, we always seem to be wishing for more time. We need more. We want more. But we feel we just don’t have it. Does that mean we don’t love them? Of course not.
Spending quality time with our children is extremely important for their development and happiness. I have interviewed thousands of children around the world and they told me that time spent with them doesn’t need to be elaborate or long, but it must be “quality”. We must find ways then to slow down and slip in some memorable time that will let our children know that we love and care for them.
Many children will let you know in their own “subtle” ways if they feel that you are not giving them the attention that they need. Some will withdraw while others will “act out.” You might see it when a child gives “lip” to a teacher, fights with another classmate or resorts back to behaviors that once got your attention like increased crying, throwing tantrums or even bed-wetting. This is a way to capture your attention, albeit often negative, so that they can enjoy “focused” time with you. Essentially the thought process is, “if I can’t get her attention by doing something good, I’ll get her attention by doing something bad.” Nobody wants that!
So how can you find time when you feel you don’t have any to spend?
1. One-on-one time: Alone time with your child is best when you are doing something you both enjoy. With one family it may be the time when Dad takes the baby so Mom can spend time with the older child. This could mean going to a movie, going to the local theater to see Cinderella, or just sitting at the park on a bench and talking. The frequency of one-on-one time is up to you, but the children I interviewed said at least once a month is the minimum. If you are a single mother with more than one child you could arrange it so that each Saturday you spend quality time with one of your children and the last Saturday of the month you spend quality time as a family.
Marking your dates down on a calendar is a great idea and shows your children you make this time a priority.
2. Integrate Together Time into Your Daily Schedule: Children love to help. Do you have a mailing to do? Have them put the stamps on the envelopes. Need to go shopping? Make grocery shopping “fun time” with you. Need to make dinner? Let them help you by contributing to the preparation process. While it might be messier and it may time more time in the beginning, you will see that the children will become your greatest helpers and they will look back and remember that “before dinner” was always special time with you.
3. Phantom Time: Don’t have a moment to spare until about 3 a.m.? You can still let your children know that you care. Write notes and drop them into their lunch boxes. This was one of the top ten things children told me made them feel loved and cared for by their parent. Other ideas would be to record a short video for them using a camera and leaving it for them at the breakfast table. Be creative here!
4. Break time: Everyone is busy. Some parents are busier than others. Slide in a “break time” so that you and your children can spend 15 minutes or a half hour together. Set a timer if you need to so that everyone knows when “break time” starts and finishes. Give warnings to your children when 2 minutes are left so that it doesn’t come as a surprise. Don’t even have break time available? Wake your child up 15 minutes early so that you can spend a little extra time doing something fun in the morning. You might not think that 15 minutes is any significant time at all, but to a child, it is 15 extra minutes with you.
Spending time with your children provides them with opportunities to learn and to be heard. Most of all, it provides you and your children with time to connect. It’s these connections that make your children feel loved. So leave the beds unstripped for another few minutes and put the coffee on an automatic timer. Take those extra moments to spend with your children. When you look back, you will be thankful for the memories.
Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life. You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at ErinParenting.com.
How Men and Women Use Smartphones Differently
Aug 20th
The genders may be equal, but their smart phone usage may not be.
While there have been no readily available studies on how men and women may use their phones differently, we suspected that there had to be trends to separate the two.
Here are some of our findings on the topic, taken from our recent article at My Life Scoop. The results may surprise you!
Casual Gaming Between the Sexes
Both men and women agreed that playing games on their phones was taking up more and more of their time. Whether they were playing stand-alone games housed completely in their phones, or chose to use a mobile application that connected them to online team ventures when on the go, each gender admitted to finding gaming “addictive” when they were able to access it anytime and anywhere via the smart phone.
Silly games, like Fling! for the iphone, are popular among both genders. Word games seemed to appeal more to women (although a fair share of the men we talked to liked them, as well), and the games and apps that bordered on nasty or juvenile (iFart, for instance) held a steady younger male user audience. Men were also notoriously more open to playing games with a long-term goal in mind: Role Playing Games (RPG) and “building” modules seem to be played by a slightly higher number of males in our interviews.
For Women, by Women
There is a growing market of smart phone tools designed to reach into the more sensitive areas of a woman's life. Things that women would speak about only to one another, or to no one at all, can be tracked, learned about, or perfected via a smart phone app. Thanks to sites like LadyAppApp, gals can get the latest news on tools designed just for them, like TouchCloset, iCoolHunt, iPeriod and, of course, all those really cool pregnancy apps. . Even sites like TechCrunch and Mashable have interrupted their regularly scheduled programming to cover apps for women, exclusively.
We explore the issue of gender and technology more in our complete My Life Scoop article. Check it out, and let us know:
Do you fall into a gender stereotype with your smart phone habits?
Will That Thing Really Change Your Life?
Aug 19th
Will it make you happy? Will it bring you the endless hours of joy that you imagine when you look at it? What thing am I talking about? Well, it’s different for every person, but it’s usually a material possession that you dream about often. And more often than not, it won’t make any real difference to your life at all.
I was pondering this one recently when my family and I took the dog for a walk around a more expensive neighborhood. It was a beautiful evening, the perfect temperature, a slight breeze, and the sun was just starting to set. Ideal weather to be on that big deck in the back yard, sipping wine or ice cold beer and chatting about the day.
But we didn’t see anyone doing that. Not a soul.
We saw plenty of beautiful decks, and even more beautiful yards. We looked at these decks with envious eyes, as we’ve always wanted one of our own in our tiny back yard. And yet, after passing more than 100 homes and seeing not one family out there enjoying the evening, I began to wonder if the deck really would change our life. Or maybe we would be just like these people, all of them stuck inside watching a 52-inch LCD TV.
And that's the crux of the matter I think. For many people, those "things" are an attempt to reach out and live the life they think they should be living. In the case of the deck in the back yard, it's not about a wooden structure that looks nice; it's about spending quality time with family away from the small screen, taking in fresh air and wearing those genuinely happy smiles that you see in catalogs and on TV.
But when it comes down to it, those "things" can't change who you really are or what you really want. Which is why those decks we saw were all empty, and the owners were all inside watching something they really did want: a huge TV.
It reminds me of a story the personal trainer at my gym was telling me. One of the people he used to train had no equipment at home, and complained that if he could only afford a home gym he’d do much better. The other guy was without a home gym, too, but found ways to train. He’d use the stairs, do push ups and sit ups, and do pull ups when he took his kids to the park. He basically used his own body as resistance.
The moral here is that when you want something badly enough, and are motivated, you’ll find a way. And if you think that buying something will give you that, you’re sadly mistaken. People who want to spend time outside with family will do it, regardless of what’s in the yard. A $20 picnic blanket does the job and has served us well for years. Conversely, the addition of a deck isn’t going to turn a bunch of TV addicts into the socialites of the neighborhood.
I know people who pined for home gyms and watched them gather dust. And we all have "miracle" gadgets that are sitting in some dark corner of the basement or garage, in pristine condition. Those infomercials make money because they tell you how much better life would be if you only had that "thing." Sadly, nothing you can buy will really fill the kind of hole they promise to fill. I remember wanting a Filofax back in the day, because I wanted to be super-organized and never forget a meeting or a birthday. I paid $80 for it and hardly ever used it. My friend paid $5 for a notebook and organized his life with it. He didn't need anything fancy, he was already motivated to get it done.
I think we all have something we wish for. Maybe it's a better car, a bigger house, or a piece of jewelry. Perhaps it's a boat, or a 200 square foot deck. Whatever it is, think hard about that purchase. As Shakespeare has said often, "to thine own self be true." Do you really want that "thing" or do you just want the idea of what it could bring you?